Recently, I posted the following quote on several divorce support websites which generated quite a bit of positive reaction:
“I stopped telling myself that I’m lost. I’m not. I’m on a road with no destination. I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there. I’M NOT LOST. I’M ON MY WAY.”
Comments such as, “I really needed to hear that today”, “I thought I was the only one feeling lost”, and, “What a great shift in perspective” were common threads. It started me thinking about how lost we feel when going through a divorce.
The ground feels like it just opens up beneath your feet and you lose your bearings. Suddenly, all the familiar sign posts don’t make sense. You feel like you’re trying to navigate in a foreign country in which you don’t speak the language. Confidence that you will find your way back goes out the window.
When you decide you’re lost, you become even more lost. Perhaps you are in a foreign country but instead of feeling frightened that you won’t find your destination, you might decide that there isn’t a destination; just an interesting ride. A ride where you observe the scenery and delight in the new culture and cuisine and the way in which people here live their lives. Not judging it. Not seeing if you fit into this country. Just watching it and being in it. Maybe you’ll enjoy it there for a while or maybe you’ll want to move there. Either way, today is a moment in time and nothing more. You don’t have to make any hard and fast rules about it. Give yourself permission just to be there. Maybe you’ll move on; maybe you won’t. Does it matter today...really?
Reframing the position you are right now in your divorce or recovery process does wonders for your piece of mind and the decisions you make.
YOU’RE NOT LOST. YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY.