SHE WASN’T LOOKING FOR A KNIGHT, SHE WAS LOOKING FOR A SWORD

I found that quote the other day and it immediately resonated with me.  How many women have I counseled who were in a marriage in which they were disappointed by their husbands for not taking care of them, not seeing who they were, not fulfilling their needs, neglecting them, and on and on?       

Of course that’s what we all want, men and women alike.  But, when we define ourselves by our partner fulfilling us or when we don’t know how to provide for our own needs, we set ourselves up for pain.  Why? Because no one can do it all for us.  I find this to be true particularly in women who don’t have a definition of themselves separate from their husband or children.       

When you look for a “knight” to be your everything, you will usually find the court jester who has a good game for a short period of time.  In the meantime, you’ve invested your heart, soul, body and future in this inadequate person who—in the clear light of day—was never your “knight” to begin with.       

What would happen if you actually looked for a sword?  Your sword?  Your invincible weapon that makes you impervious to what is thrown at you?  Ask yourself: what is YOUR sword?  Is it your knowledge?  Your compassion?  Your ability to foresee situations before they present themselves?  Your friendships with other women?  Your mothering skills?  The way you persevere?  How you survived your childhood intact?     It’s time to stop waiting for a knight who only exists in fairy tales and pick up your own sword...and use it!