We work with so many women who are contemplating divorce and experiencing the pain of Should-I-Stay-Or-Should-I-Go? While ending your marriage is a lengthy and involved process, you know that it’s really over when any of these eight situations are present:
1. You don’t care anymore: The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. It’s not necessary to loathe your husband. When you just don’t care about your marriage or you feel apathetic about trying so hard to make it work anymore, it’s a sign that you just don’t care period.
2. You don’t try to spend time together or would prefer not to: You would rather spend time with girlfriends, online, or alone than spend time with him. You go out of your way to be too busy to be alone or make excuses not to.
3. You are hostile or contemptuous towards your husband: Everything he says requires a nasty retort. The way he talks, the way he smells, his previously funny little habits drive you absolutely crazy and you let him know either by verbal message or non-verbal coldness.
4. You daydream about the time when you won’t be with him: You may fantasize being a single woman and may even think about his death. The idea of being alone without him is far more appealing than being together with him.
5. Sex is the very last thing on your mind or your to-do list: Maybe it’s not even on the list. The thought of being intimate with him makes you uncomfortable or downright nauseous.
6. He has an addiction for which he refuses help: Whether it’s an addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, shopping, or sex, if he won’t get help with it make sure you get help from a support network such as Al-Anon and then let them support your decision.
7. He has had an emotional or physical affair(s) that he refuses to end completely: If he still works with the woman, texts with her, views her social networking sites, he’s not done and committed to you. If he is a serial cheater—he’s had more than one infidelity—and hasn’t had therapy to examine why he continues to treat you like this, he likely will do it again.
8. You can’t stop fighting in front of the children—Your kids deserve a safe and secure home. If you can’t stop fighting, get professional help. If he refuses help or continues to shirk responsibility for his behavior, nothing will change and your kids deserve better than that.
I hope it goes without saying that if you are doing any of the things on the list such as addictions, affairs, picking fights and refusing help for any of these behaviors, it’s time to take a good look in the mirror and take responsibility for your own behavior.