I came across this quote the other day: The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you.  It’s the day you set yourself free.

I began to think about the idea of feeling good enough and the ways in which that affects the way we see ourselves in an unhealthy marriage as well as our ability to leave it and go through the divorce process.

Perhaps your husband has told you that you’re failing as a wife or mother. Maybe he’s let you know that no one else will ever love you. How many times has he told you all the things you’ve done incorrectly today? After a while, you may begin to believe his opinions, especially when the bad times are interspersed with the good times.  Particularly if he’s the father of your children, or helping you raise them.

When did this feeling of not being good enough begin?  Was it when you were a child and critiqued for the way you look, the grades to got, the friends you kept, the attitude that was never correct?  In many meaningful ways, your husband takes the place of your parents and is now—in fact and representation of—your family. Did you transfer your feelings of not good enough from your parents to your husband?  Did it seem familiar and strangely comfortable?

We tend to believe the people in our lives that we love and trust or are dependent upon.  My question for you today is this: When do YOU decide if you’re good enough?  When do YOU trust your own voice instead of listening to others?  This may be a novel concept, so here is what I’d like you to do: Make a list of absolutely everything that you do well and ways in which you are competent.  I mean every little thing. I promise you that it will be a long list. Don’t censor or edit yourself. This is a list only you will see. You don’t need to wonder if you’re being boastful or try to find evidence to the contrary.  Just write them down as you think of them. Then, go back over that list and ask yourself, “If a friend came to me with this list, would I think she was good enough?”  You get my point.

Truly, the most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for YOU.  It’s the day you set yourself free.  Free from others’ opinions of you. Free from guilt and shame.  Free of impossible expectations. Free from failure. Free of unhealthy relationships. Do you deserve to be free?  Take that step. Today is YOUR day!