Wait a minute. That doesn't sound right. You thought you had control over everyone and everything. Nope, just three things, my friend:
- Your own thoughts
- Your own behaviors
- Your own reactions
That may send you into a tailspin but what a tremendous amount of control that really gives you when you use it and refuse to give it away to others.
Your own thoughts: In your pre and current divorce process, you may feel like you're going crazy...a LOT. You feel like your mind is racing in a dozen different directions and none of your thoughts make sense or are things you'd like to think about, especially at 2 a.m. Your minds seems to have a mind of it's own! However, you can absolutely take control of your thoughts and the power you give them, or how true they are.
Your own behaviors: One thing I know for certain is that all behavior is intentional. Maybe not at the tippy-top of one's mind, but it goes through the hamster wheel a couple of turns before it comes out. Your wusband's former or current actions were thought-out and something he had control over. Because you have control over your own actions, you can decide to choose a different path any old time you want to. As Adam explains in our book, Your actions are evidence. This is good advice, not only in a legal setting--such as your divorce--but with your children, your family and friends, and with yourself.
Your own reactions: You have complete control over the way in which you respond to the guy you are currently or formerly married to. Your reactions aren't automatic; you choose them. You may have reacted to him in the same way during your marriage but, apparently, that was an unsuccessful strategy. If he continues to act in the same ways, and you choose to respond in the same ways, you might as well have stayed married, for Heaven's sake! Now is your opportunity to create a different chain of actions in your relationship, however that looks. When you change your reaction to something he says or does to you, you have instantly changed the dynamic of the relationship and he will be forced to react to your reaction differently if he wants something from you. Interesting idea.
The idea is that by taking control of these three things, you are instantly the most powerful person in your universe and that's a pretty sweet place to be.
Take good care