Love Is A Behavior

Were you raised to believe that love is a feeling?  Most of us have been told, "Listen to your heart.  Your heart will never lead you astray."  Well, I'm here to tell you that that is total garbage.  Your heart will always lead you astray.  Why?  Because your heart is a pump!  It's your heart's job to pump blood throughout your body.  It's your brain's job to make decisions for you.  Listen to your brain.  Your brain will never lead you astray.

I would also add that you should listen to your body's signals because the mind-body connection is so strong that you can know that something's up when your stomach is in knots, you have a three-day headache, or you have a chronically sore throat or backache.  Listen to your body because it, too, is trying to tell you that love is a behavior.

When we begin to look at a person's behavior rather than their words. Our lives instantly become clearer.  When we look at their actual behavior rather than what we decide their intent must be, our lives become easier.  I'm a big fan of the idea that when a person shows you who he is, believe him.  Stop making excuses for the behavior; just take it as true information and make decisions accordingly.

This is especially true for you right now as you contemplate divorce, go through the process of divorce, or are in the aftermath of divorce.  You may want to believe that your husband (or wusband) didn't mean what he said or did to you but did so because X, Y, or Z (had a bad childhood, stress at his job, was drunk at the time, had a hangnail; you fill in the blank).  Perhaps the truth of who he is right now is too difficult or painful to process.  Understandably so, but it doesn't change the fact that his behavior is showing you exactly who he is currently.  Instead of denying that fact, you can choose to empower yourself with the truth and make wise decisions.

Love--be it romantic love or the love shared between friends, parents, children, siblings--is all about how you are treated and how you treat others. 

If you spend the next few days looking only at the behavior of every person in your life, I promise that you will be amazed, shocked and perhaps a little dismayed.  However, you will have empowered yourself with the truth to help you go forward in your current and future relationships...and that's always a good thing.

Take good care