You may have many fears about whether you should divorce, if you made the correct decision to divorce, and if you and your children will be okay after the divorce. In fact, emotional fears are one of the many by-products of the time you spent in an unhealthy marriage. Here is a list of the most common fears and concerns that I hear from the women I treat as they are at various stages of divorce:
** I don't know how to live on my own anymore.
** Have my kids been damaged by what they experienced in my marriage?
** Will I mess up my kids permanently if I go through with the divorce?
** I'm so worried about money.
** I think about going back to my ex. Does that mean I'm crazy?
** Sometimes I think, "It wasn't that bad." What's wrong with me?
** I don't think I can handle the kids on my own.
** I'm so depressed that I don't know how I'm going to function day-to-day.
** Getting a divorce means I'm a total loser.
** I feel defective and useless.
** I don't trust anyone...including myself.
** I second-guess everything I do.
** I can't imagine ever being happy again.
** I'm worried that I'm going to be alone the rest of my life.
** I'm afraid my kids are going to blame me for the divorce and hate me.
Sound familiar? Sometimes fear is a rational response to a scary stimulus. If your husband raged when he drank, you wisely learned to be afraid of his anger. Oftentimes, however, fear is a learned response from childhood and is a self-protective mechanism that was a survival technique and therefore irrational in your adult life. It is merely a conditional response. You may be used to feeling afraid in a certain situation, and so you feel afraid in many situations. Perhaps in situations that exist only in your head.
Emotional fears often lead to irrational beliefs. In other words, your perceptions create your own reality and then you accept them as correct. But, let me inject an important perspective: just because you believe a thought is true doesn't necessarily make it true.
In the Empowered Woman's Guide to Divorce, I coach you through ways to bust your irrational beliefs:
*Discounting the positives
*Jumping to conclusions
*Magnification or minimization
*Blame and personification
These are all well described and real allies in your war against the emotional fears that keep you paralyzed or at the very least, not the best person you want to be. I encourage you to peruse the ideas and use them. You will instantly see the difference in your life.
Take good care