We’ve all done it: posted our “status” or “checked-in” at a restaurant on Facebook, taken an Instagram photo of the party we were attending, used social media to find friends and keep relatives up-to-date. All innocent fun, but what happens when you use the same sites to find out what your wusband is up to or he stalks you through your postings? Not so fun now, is it? Social media is great...until it isn’t.
Is Social Media Making It Impossible To Let-Go Of Your Marriage?
Let’s face it: under the best of circumstances, divorce is an emotionally grueling process. You may be dealing with feelings of grief, betrayal, disillusion, loss of trust, heartbreak, fear, and eventually relief. You may be tempted to take advantage of a number of options you have to express those feelings and social media may be one of them. You could “innocently” post a nastygram insinuating that your wusband was a liar and a cheat by putting a quote or stray thought on Twitter. You could find out where he is and what he’s doing by making up a fake Facebook account and friending him. You could also take happy, happy photos of yourself looking fine and post on Snapchat. Sure you could. Now comes the time to ask yourself what YOU are getting out of these antics?
What you are essentially doing is spending an inordinate amount of time devising schemes that focus on him rather than you. What would happen if you spent that same amount of time focusing on your happiness and how to find it, who you want to become outside of his wife, what passions you gave up that you might be interested In reigniting? In other words, stop trying to find ways of doing what you did in your marriage—focus on him rather than you—and move your life forward. You can’t do that while you’re still so engaged in his life. Stop worrying about whether he’s dating and do something about you dating, if that’s what you’re interested in. You can’t change anything about his life now, but you have control of your life. Get on with it and leave social media on the back burner.
When Social Media Works Against You In Divorce
If you’re not careful, all that activity on social media can come back to haunt you. Let’s say you’ve been posting selfies designed to show everyone, including your ex, that you’re having the best time of your life. You’ve created a constant stream of content that shows you out with friends, traveling, eating, drinking and going on adventures. What happens in court when your ex is trying to prove you don’t spend enough time with the children when they are with you?
An instagram post or story of you out with friends on a night when you have the kids can be used as evidence against you. Those posts can also support arguments that you drink too much, are out of control, or any other position your ex is taking in the divorce. The point is, in divorce, your actions are evidence. This is especially true on social media, when your actions are recorded. Be mindful of what you post. Ask yourself if it can be used against you. Then make an informed decision whether to post or not.