The people we surround ourselves with, our divorce squad, will have a huge impact on the divorce recovery process. Their influence can —and should— be positive, but they frequently can make things worse. Divorce is hard enough, and the last thing you need is a member of your squad becoming a harmful influence. By all means, we should surround ourselves with a support system during divorce. Just make sure it’s the right one for you. Here are 5 roles in any squad that will help, not hurt, your divorce journey:
During divorce, everyone has dark days. A friend that reminds you of all the good things in your life that you can’t see or feel is welcome on any squad.
Fiercely Loyal Friend
You know who we’re talking about. A friend that will answer your call in the middle of the night and who, during divorce, will take off work to go to court with you so you’re not alone.
The Voice of Reason
You don’t need someone to agree with every thought that comes into your mind. Some of your decisions or reactions will not be a good idea and you need someone you trust who will give it you straight, even if it hurts. We all need a voice of reason in our squad.
Most people going through divorce do not have an attorney. Of course, hiring an attorney or having a friend who is a family law attorney would be an ideal fit in any divorce squad. Maybe you have a savvy friend who can help research and navigate the legal divorce process. Empowering oneself with free or low cost legal help is another option. Self-help books, the county court website, legal clinics and free legal consultations are just some of the ways people represent themselves in divorce every day.
Ideally, an actual therapist would fill this role. An objective mental health professional that can provide unbiased and expert guidance is vital to the divorce recovery process. The reality is that, for many of us, this isn’t option. Some people turn to books like The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Divorce or podcasts for therapeutic support and guidance, which are great alternatives. Or we may turn to a friend or family member who is a supportive listener. Divorce squads should always have a good listener in the mix. It’s cathartic to vent and it’s critical that we don’t hold everything in. Unburden yourself with that person who is always there to listen.